I have been impatient almost my whole life. Short-tempered. Meeting frogs before finding “the one” who will refuse to let go of me is just as difficult as searching for yourself when you don’t even know it at all. Then I lost “the one” – myself is never the same again.
A certain emptiness is face to face with me, of me no one to care for who cares for me. A friend once said “Don’t close your door to other people”. No more door since that day, even the windows are shattered into pieces. I’ve become an open wound, carelessly exposed.
As what I am supposed to do, I started by starting again. No one knows me the way he did. I saw myself in search again for that “self” that I just found when I met him.
A year has passed.
I haven’t thought this day will have this huge power over me. I have been disoriented for days as tomorrow approaches. I know what I wanted and where I want to be but somehow I’m currently lost. I really don’t want to bring up more painful thoughts to the people around me, it’s somewhat shameful, they must be tired of it. Truth is I fear this day and I fear this pain.
When it will ever be?
He’s never coming back, I already told myself hundreds of times.
God knows WHY, WHAT IS and WHAT SHOULD BE
I should keep me alive, I need to find myself again. Death haven’t killed the one that never dies. Our love is always alive.
Rest in peace to our times, our life together and the husband I knew. Just rest right there within my heart, should it become tired, I will make sure I’m not losing you, again.