Three months ago, I was a 28-year old married woman. I lost my husband slash bestest best friend last October 8, 2015. Cardiac arrest took him and left me shocked. Seeing him lifeless was really unbelievable and unforgettable. My tears couldn’t even come out. I just kept asking my brother who’s always at my back that time if what I’m seeing and touching is true and if I’m only dreaming. “But I didn’t sleep yet!” I say, slapping my face a few times.
The first few days after that I was very occupied, getting all the legal documents I will need to bring him home to Philippines. Love from all our friends, office mates and family kept pouring in, I didn’t have too much time to wallow except that every morning I wake up and realize, he wasn’t at my side anymore.
According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross from her book “On Death and Dying”, there are 5 stages of loss and grief:
- Denial and Isolation
Yes, I did denied the reality of him being dead. I had regrets, a lot of it. Not a long time ago, I finally accepted it. But I’m not writing this to tell you in detail how I was on those stages. Going back to what happened in those times is really painful. So, I decided to focus on how I’m going to move forward, not to forget him but because life is indeed short and precious, I don’t want to waste my time dying while living.
I WILL BE OKAY.
I want to share and keep my journey on how I will get there. I chose here simply because I love to write and one of the benefits I get from writing is – I don’t feel alone. I know you’re with me because you’re reading this =) Soon under this category, I will pour all of my ways and things that I did and tried to make my broken heart whole again.
I’m claiming it – The exact time my wounded heart is healed.